I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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