After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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