I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
