I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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