This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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