you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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