The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
