she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
