If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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