That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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