wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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