I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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