I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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