Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
