if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
