Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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