Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
