I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
