if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
