I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
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I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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