Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
