don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
