return my video game
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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