My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize