hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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