That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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