i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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