I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
