Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
