There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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