seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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