This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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