It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
