I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
