yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
