Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
