Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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