He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
