I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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