I skipped work to stalk him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
