I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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