Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
