I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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