You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
