thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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