I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
