i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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