I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
