no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
