Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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