Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
