just survived the first fart of the relationship.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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