my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
