Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
