the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
