You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
