four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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