you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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