Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
