I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
