At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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