if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
