I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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