I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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