I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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