We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
