Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
