apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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