Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
