Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The air was thick with penises
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
