"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
