Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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