Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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