Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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