If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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