So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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