i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize