I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
