he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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