i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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