if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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