i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
