I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
