Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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