The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
